I found this hidden away in my ‘writings’ folder and rereading it felt like I was reading someone else’s words. It softened my heart because it came from a place of wanting closeness to Allah and a harsh realization of my own shortcomings.
Originally, my intention was not to share these reflections on my blog, but now I do so with the hope that someone might find benefit in them.
19 March 2022
*Surat Fatir and Yasin are playing in the background*
[How regretful for the servants]
I can’t help but put my two realities on a scale. These worldly things I often find myself entangled in don’t matter in the long term and Allah keeps reminding me of what is important. Yet I still find myself chasing the dunya.
I know my purpose. I know how I want to live my day-to-day; in remembrance of Allah with Him at the center of all my decisions. It’s easy to say, but He will only change our situation when we choose to change ourselves.
[It is not allowable [i.e., possible] for the sun to reach the moon, nor does the night overtake the day, but each, in an orbit, is swimming].
Allah created order on this earth. The sun does not reach the moon and nor does the night overtake the day. He who made this order in such a divine way is surely able to order ours in a way that pleases Him.
But have we shown Him commitment?
In times of hardship, I remembered Him in every waking moment. My trials were a beautiful blessing in disguise, I felt closer to Him than ever. Still, I dreamt about the days I would be grateful for His ease and thankful to Him for answering my prayers.
And He answered my calls and fulfilled His promises.
But Have I?
Yet He hasn’t taken His ease and blessings away. I don’t have it in me to be prideful of sin. Nor to be completely reliant on His mercy or forgiveness and risk displeasing him. I have hope and full belief in Him being ar-Ra’oof, ar-Rahman and ar-Raheem. He gives us chances we don’t deserve. Hears promises we don’t fulfill. Forgives sins we forget. Grants sustenance to both those who believe and disbelieve in Him.
It makes me realize how miniature we are in the grand scheme of things. The dunya to Allah is not worth the wing of a fly. But it is all we have and our only chance to earn an eternity of His paradise.
I am in awe of His mercy. His compassion. His responsiveness, and nearness. I pray that He forgives me, loves me, and is pleased with me. I pray in my heart that His blessings are not istidrāj (a punishment in disguise):
[So when they forgot that by which they had been reminded, We opened to them the doors of every [good] thing until, when they rejoiced in that which they were given, We seized them suddenly, and they were [then] in despair]
– Al-An’am, verse 44.
In the midst of my churning heart and restless mind, I hear:
[Only those fear Allāh, from among His servants, who have knowledge]
To fear is to know. If we don’t know our Creator, how do we worship Him in the right manner? How do we fear Him?
[And they will say, “Praise to Allāh, who has removed from us [all] sorrow. Indeed, our Lord is Forgiving and Appreciative]
These words will be uttered by those who enter paradise. Ya Rabb, make me of them and rid me of sorrow in both worlds.
In times of hardship and times of ease, bring me closer to You. Attach my heart to You alone.
You are near. You are my comfort. With You, ya Allah, does my heart find rest.
Allow me not to push myself away.
Khadra says
This really resonated with me. I keep reading it over and over. So beautifully written Allahuma barek🫂
Sahra says
Thank you, Khadra. Very kind of you.
A says
Eloquently written. Thank you for this reflection blog! We really are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Allah(S.W.T) does not need our prayers or Duas, but we depend on him for everything. May Allah(S.W.T) continue to watch over and guide us🤲.
Sahra says
Ameen ya Rabb. Thank you, I appreciate it!
H says
MashaAllah <3
Sahra says
🙂 <3